(Posted originally on May 27th, 2006)
I just saw the film “Metallica: some kind of monster” on DVD and that was... uplifting? Seeing multi-millionaire mega-heavy-metal gods struggling with their work was sort of consoling and inspiring. They’ve sold zillions of records over the course of 20 years, are adored around the globe, can play a three-hour set comprised entirely of metal masterpieces and still they have all these issues, catfights, lack of self-esteem and all that. If the giants have hard time pulling their stuff together, then it’s no wonder I’m having difficulties in making progress. It has to be admitted, they apparently had a whole lot of personal shit to deal with, which I don’t because I had a happy childhood and I don’t do drugs. I’m a difficult person only because I like to consider myself some kind of genius, whose (undone) work is tragically unappreciated.
Another thing, I thought after the film: with music you’re in the moment, you don’t think about three songs further down the line, you just play and everything is revealed to you and your audience as it is done. Not so with comics. That’s probably why this feels so frustrating so often. Clearly frustration is a central theme in these writings of mine, but that’s just so ever-present in the comic-drawing process. You get your idea and want to do something about it, but it’s nowhere near completion and making it comprehensible to anyone else isn’t really fun, like playing guitar is. Drawing comics isn’t at all as immediate as, for instance, playing music. I get all kinds of other ideas while I’m drawing and start to panic, because I’m sure I’ll forget the idea while I’m drawing. Ideas are such elusive sons of bitches. Once I saw this billboard at the airport: there was a beach and somebody had written in the sand “I am your idea. Someday I will be gone”. The high tide was already threatening the letters. Now, it was an advertisement for some stupid consulting company, but it scared the living bejesus out of me. Actually, I think it was more of a reminder that I still haven’t worked on my stuff and if I don’t start with it soon, somebody else will do the exact same thing, or I’ll just get tired with the whole thing and wind up dealing with yet another unfinished project. It’s just... it’s just so unfair that you spend a whole week producing a two-page comic, which can be read in three minutes.